I had made the stupid decision to
visit a friend’s birthday party on the night before a final and of course it
started fucking snowing. I live in rural Appalachia, so an hour and a half
drive from campus to a party wasn’t unheard of. On these winding roads, though,
a drive that would normally take ninety or so minutes in good weather took four
hours or more in the snow. What’s frustrating is that I knew it would snow, I
knew I shouldn’t go, and I did anyway. I thought I was going to be able to get
some so the drive would be worth it. I didn’t, so I was even more pissed off.
was in a familiar part of nowhere, just a few minutes drive (in good weather)
from my grandparent’s old place. Trees surrounded both sides of the now white
road. I knew that there was a cliff face just a bit past the tree line on my
left, and a sharp drop past the tree line on my right. In normal circumstances,
I’d be going 45-55 MPH, but at the moment I was going a healthy 25 because
death by smashing into rock or by falling off some was not my idea of a good
ending to my already shitty night. My car’s tires were slipping a bit at that
crawling speed anyway. Any faster and I would really be risking my life.
I came around a steep bend in the road, my headlights illuminated something
standing at its center. I could just barely make out the silhouette through the
flurry – a deer. I slammed my brakes, like a fucking idiot. My little shit
hand-me-down Cavalier started fishtailing and sliding all over the slick road,
and if anything it was gaining speed instead of slowing down. I plowed straight
into the deer, and I could feel that I was dragging it as I finally skidded to
fucking shit,” I said, threw the car into park and stepped out. My headlights
reflected off of the snow around me, making the area pretty bright, plus just
up the road a bit was a street light belonging to a little cabin. I looked back
at the sickening red streak on the road behind my vehicle.
thing,” I said as I came around the back. The deer wasn’t there.
god, are you KIDDING ME? IS IT STUCK UNDER THERE?” There was no way I
could pull a deer out from under my car by myself. I’m small and a pansy,
really, and deer weigh like a fucking ton. I’d helped my dad multiple times to
haul deer he’d shot from the woods during hunting season. Not a fun job. I got
on my knees, avoiding the blood, and turned my phone’s flashlight under the
car. Nothing. I flashed my light to the left and right. From under the car I
could see, on the passenger side, two deer hooves standing there.
the fuck?” I whispered.
The voice that echoed mine sounded, well, stretched. That’s the best way I can
describe it. Like someone took a voice in their hands and stretched it so it
was almost translucent, nearly ripping. Slowly, I stood up, hip pressed against
the driver’s side brake light. Standing on two legs like a fucking person by my
passenger side door was the deer. It was huge. Its great antlers had started collecting
snow so that it glittered in the light, its face was pointed right at me, eyes
focused on mine, its front legs stretched out so that its hooves were on the
top of my car. I’ll admit, I was completely dumbfounded.
I just stood there,
and it did, too. We stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. Then,
it shook its head slightly and smiled. Oh my god, that smile, it stretched
almost from eye to eye, its mouth full of very white and very human teeth.
was no longer still. I launched myself at my driver’s side door and fumbled
with the handle.
“Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod,” I whispered. It was
locked. I’d locked myself out of my car, in the snow, in the middle of nowhere
with goddamned murder deer.
still stood there in the same position, head turned toward me with that fucking
smile on its face. Its eyes widened unnaturally large as it creaked out the
words, “Ppppooooorrrrrr tttthhhhhhiiiinnnnggg…”
ran. I ran like holy hell straight for that little cabin, all the while praying
that it wasn’t someone’s hunting cabin or summer getaway. I screamed,
“HELP ME, JESUS CHRIST HELP ME!”
THHHHIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGG!!!!!” It shouted from behind me. When I heard what
sounded like a light bulb shattering, I looked over my shoulder. Its body was
changing. Instead of shoulders like an animal, pushing from its back, it had
shoulders like a human’s now, and its hips made a sound like breaking glass as
they became more human like.
screamed a series of profanities in an order I cannot remember now as I pushed
my body to the limit to pick up speed. I think the thing laughed as it
continued to shout the same phrase at me, “Pooooooorrrrrrr
tttthhhiiinnnggg! Ppppooooooooorrrrrr ttttttttthhhhhhiiiiiinnnnnnnggggg!”
loud crack rang out as my feet hit the drive way by the cabin, echoing into the
night and the hills surrounding us. I kept running forward, onto the front
porch and smack into a rather large, older man holding a shot gun. As soon as I
had myself hidden behind him, I turned to look back at the creature.
stood at the edge of the road by the driveway in the streetlight. It still had
the head and neck of a deer, but from the shoulders down, it was me. Blue
flannel shirt, A-cup breasts, black jeans, tiny hips, feet just a little too
big for its skinny legs – it had transformed its torso and limbs into mine.
on outta here, Herb!” The man I was hiding behind waved his shotgun. “She’s keeping her face, you fucking piece of shit!”
I shouted at the guy.
thiiiiing…” The creature extended an arm, with bracelets and rings just
like mine, and beckoned me to it, curving up its index finger and coyly waving
it at me.
man fired off another shot, this time at the deer-me creature. It jumped back a
pace as the ground by its feet exploded with the force of the shot. “I
said get out of here,” the man repeated himself, whispering it almost so
quietly I could barely hear him myself.
YOU KKKKIIIIDDDDIIIINNNNGGG MEEEEEEE????” It shouted at us, then turned
and made its way into the darkness. I stood there with the man, who I would
later learn was Bill, and watched for a long time after the creature
I asked again, breaking the silence.
can stay here until it’s light out. I’d just leave your car where it is if I
was you,” Bill said and turned to go inside.
followed closely behind him.
“Herb,” I pressed the issue further as
Bill started bolting and locking his door with at least twenty different kinds
of locks, “why did you call it Herb?”
Bill paused, “Well, that’s who
it was last time.”